Amplified First Day

Talk about Meet and Greet Part 2 and Status Check #1.

HELL!!!

I am earnestly trying to maintain sanity here. PST Day One is officially over, is in our bloodstream and has had its presence felt. I am now having my spasms, once again. Is it the pressure? Information overload? The thought of going through Abay once more?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Since the nature of our account requires great skill, effort, mind games (WTF?!)  , non-usage of the mouse (again WTF)  and a beautiful mind, fatigue will set in easier. Homework requires us to memorize a gazillion hotkeys; and these hotkeys aren't just of the standard sense.

They were made by aliens, I say.

I have realized that talking can take you places. It can be a reflection of how good you are or how sucky you can be; it can say a lot about what you've learned and if you yearn for more. Yet sometimes it can be a learning vessel, both for good and bad things. For I have learned that sometimes, it would be best that you just shut up.

This doesn't go just for me. It also goes out to everyone else who, sometimes (or probably at ALL times) don't think before they talk. Quoting my ex-boss:

Your fluency in the art of speaking is your sword. It is one thing that will set you aside from the rest since your greatness and mastery shows. Yet this sword can be double-edged as well. Use it with caution; for not everyone sees good things as good and bad things as bad.

I can say that another man's meat is another man's poison.

I have grown wiser by an inch, thanks to today.

And for you, I'm sorry. I so truly am. I am thankful as well that in a way or two we share the same trait. Get mad. Rant. Space. Think. Forgive. Forget. Then tomorrow'll be a new day.

And another day waits.

And for the Week

This week is considered hell week, basing on the fact that we were able to go through the whole excruciating dry-runs and whatnots to push ourselves to passing. I give myself a pat on the back for making it.

I am aware that Marius is now puffing with pride. Haha.

And yet there were some who didn't-and couldn't-make the cut. Some of them were good friends of mine, unfortunately.

And life goes on.

It was about Wednesday that I didn't do anything the whole day but reflect. I realized how blessed I was amidst the roller coaster syndrome of how things went around me. The world has gone berserk, yet we always have to keep in mind that it is in the simple things that we find how lucky we are.

Enough of the "major-major" drama. In my opinion, the pageant answer was a boo-boo. How Ms. Raj responded to the question was pretty far-fetched. A pain in the ears. Annoying.

And yet let's still give her the benefit of the doubt. Not everybody was there in front of the whole world to know how it feels like.

What I cannot accept is the group picture in front of the alleged tourist bus that was used for the hostage drama. What were these ladies effing thinking?! That they'll be all over facebook, tagging their poor, insensitive faces on pictures of such which captions such as "sa harap ng bus na ginamit sa hostage taking. jEjEjE..."

Assholes. I have to admit that that was an assholic move there. You want me to crawl into a hole and deny my Pinoy existence.

Anyways, I am still happy amidst assholic people here and there.

Sure has to be sal-and-pepper strewn, I guess.

Hell Week

Well, it wasn't really hell since it was basically foundation training. Meet and Greet, Class Tour, blahblahblahblah.

It was supposed to be as easy as pie until everything, as in EVERYTHING-came out like a 3-unit course. Wah.

Foundation training is basically a hone-up for basic skills with regards to grammar and pronunciation, and in my new company, heck: they were dead serious about it.

As a starter, agents of our species should have at least a wpm of 50, entry point. I felt like a god when I got 54 with 100 % accuracy. Bragging rights. When I got to start class, I was part of the upper bracket. Not too fast, not too slow.

And now, our next goal is to reach a wpm of 60 and above before the typing assessment comes. Dang.

Our trainer, Gino Gopo is a merry mix of being reserved, a perfectionist,and a self-confessed geek who's always in blue. I mean it. And you can't help but respect him for being like that.


We have english as well. It's a mixture of college english and elementary english, that you'll never figure if you've lacked knowledge in your tertiary years or it had been decades since you had elementary english. Too bad for me, I can make sentences out of those god-forsaken parts of speech yet forget their names the minute you get to use them.


So we move on to the cliques. I usually go with the merry mix of mothers, dweebs and whatnots. I avoid the loudmouths, douchebags who can't help but brag about themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Blah, toxic. I'm friends with the pairs and joke along with the boys who got lost since high school. I go home in a 4WD for free. Hahaha.

Next step: Passing. Everybody wishes everyone well. Thing is, will we?

Keeping my fingers crossed. :D

First Day

Well technically it hasn't passed yet since it'll be tonight. I have a 6:00PM-3:00AM shift, which is the total opposite of a normal life. Ho-hum. Yet who's to complain?

For the first time in so long, I'm excited to report to work.

It's like a new slate for a new start. New atmosphere, new people, new job. It's something worth all the pain and stress I've gotten.

Well, let's see if it'll work out. I'm the forever hopeful. ü

Not-So-Fast-Food

I was in a queue a few days back with a lady infront babbling her head off. It wasn't pretty, I say. There she was, nagging her kid to go to her dad to ask what drink he wanted with the order (since softdrinks weren't available. hah.) and the kid was being, well, hard-headed. An overview:

Lady: "Anak, punta ka na kay Papa, tanong mo kung ano gusto. Dali!
Kid: "Kahit ano na Mama, sige na.
Lady: "Hindi pwede, punta kay Papa, dali!!!
(Husband rushes over)
Dad: "Ano ba kasi 'yun?!
Lady: "Wala daw softdrinks! Pineapple na lang ba o Iced Tea??" (furious)
Dad: "Pineapple na lang."
Lady: "ANO?!? (her head was on fire) 'Nung isang araw Pineapple AT 'nung isang araw din. PINEAPPLE NA NAMAN BA?!?

Get what I mean? Annoyed as the queue got longer and longer, I so wanted to trip her. Yet I was hungry as well so why bother.

I had at least 8 hours of bonding time altogether with friends from different cliques. Pictures to follow. There's Kaye (darn the planning), Joy and Cha (who so desperately wanted to endorse Taco Bell. haha), and yes, Don and Pam. Oh my. Then I realize all of a sudden that that was it.

That was it?!

Goodness, I should go out more often. Haha.

Yes, the pictures should follow.

While You Were Sleeping

amidst the traffic
and the drunkards downstairs
there you lay peacefully
enjoying the slumber
that you were deprived of
as i bent to kiss you
you suddenly snored
while i tried to stifle
a laugh
that you may continue to dream on
while i realize how much
and much more that i'll love you

and nothing will change
amidst the occasional snore.

Mush

I so can't believe I want to cry right now.

I visited KL's website and had seen all the little things that make the whole. For those who don't know, KL was a fellow YFCer, always seen together with ate Kitty, her sister. We shared petty heartaches and dramas, how she couldn't find Mr. Right when I always ended up with Mr. Wrong.

And now she's tying the knot.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm very happy for them. Yet I still couldn't believe the fact that 1) it had been that long already and 2) how fast time flies. Gawd.

It's not plain knowledge that everybody wants and needs to be happy to survive. This is something big. Can't wait for the big day. I think I could cry at the reception. Blah.

Then I'll be meeting up with either Sai or Rai within the week. Thunders the next. More mush coming up.

Is time passing me by or I just think that way? Shocks.

Love is something that you say and mean at the same time. You don't just say it then just say it again for the drama of well, saying it. It can be a picture or a distant memory. A nightmare turned the sweetest dream you've had. A lingering scent that sticks to your hair and you wish you'd never wash your hair until the next time you can have more of it on you.

It's in the drive for you to keep a relationship last not just because of the companionship nor the memories, but because you're sure enough and brave enough to know and realize that this is the person who holds the possibility of being with you until forever. If forever does exist.

Every single day I pray that this'll be the last time I'll have to have my heart broken. Each and every day. :'(

Muted

I've been trying to fix things around here for I dunno, 2, 3 hours? Frustrating. No background, no ice cream.. Just blah. Today is blah day. I can't believe it.

Anyways, I've been tired lately. Has it been because of the recurring attacks? Dander, I say. Or has it been that I had been thinking too much about things; things that people may find unnecessary, little.. I dunno.

Sometimes people get tired for no reason at all. Sometimes, people get tired of doing the same things over and over and one day they just wake up and say, "hey, I'm tired. This should stop." It's true. Been there, done that. It's a part of the neverending cycle which we call change. It could be for better, it could be for worse. Still, it can be stopped and it can be retained.

I make a mental note of the things I want to end and the things I want to continue. Tops the list is school. The dream lives on. I'd want my asthma to stop being a pain. I'd want my mom to continue to love me and my siblings until we're all graying and shrivelled prunes. I hope that she'd stay with us forever. I want to continue writing. It serves a purpose to me. Either to keep me sane, or company when I feel alone, writing is the perfect excuse to that. I want Marius to be a pain until we're shriveled prunes as well. Trust me, he drives me crazy. Well, not always happy-crazy but there's paranoid-crazy, annoying-crazy and sicko-crazy. He doesn't just empathize because he knows how it feels to live in a semi-charmed, semi-deprived monde. And that means a lot to me. We have a lot in common yet a lot different as well. A lot are impossible yet you hold on to the little dream that it can be possible.

I wish news could stop being sensationalized. I want to stop being a paranoid and worry too much. I become ugly when it happens. I hope that not all people can still wish well for you even if you're already swimming in dog crap. I want poverty to stop. That way, most people can live happily ever after. I wish I can stop gaining weight so that I can eat more. Sigh.

Sadly, things can change (like what I've mentioned earlier) and yet some need to stay the same. Mom can't stick around forever, I won't be a waif for long, asthma will prevail, I might not continue studying and Marius, one day, might not be a problem anymore. That's the sad, painful reality of life. In order to keep the balance, there needs to be the sad people that they may value the loss of something and someone.

Yet we keep wishing, keeping our fingers crossed. And that's what you call hope.

I'm filled with it.

First Page

Funny, it's been ages since I've blogged and here I am, posting like a noob once again. 

I go eew to myself, not knowing which to write first about. Whom, perhaps? Nah. What? Probably. 

It isn't the same as before that a cascade of thoughts come out the minute my fingertips hit the keys. That's one thing I've been worrying about. Perhaps a bit more of it and I'm back in the game. Now, with random thoughts.

First things first. I am not working with NCO anymore. Sadly and happily. What is NCO? Well, to make things short it's a place where a plethora of memories have been made, happy and sad, annoying and bittersweet. It was a haven for growth yet a sad incubator for the already-matured chicks. Perhaps they were thinking the impossible, making pullets into roasted dinner. Oh, blah.

I left my friends there. I've left a handful at school too. I left Marius there as well, and I'm always hoping for the best for him. Who's Marius? He's Cosette's other half. Haha.

I worry more than ever, for whatever reason. Perhaps it comes with age. Yet I always need to avoid being sad. It makes me look ugly. I worry about this and that, if I don't go home on time, if I run out of medicine, if Marius gets sick again without my knowing (we've come to an agreement already)of I wouldn't like my new job, if there might be lurking uglies around. Sometimes it can really be tiring, but sometimes, it just has to stop.

A few days ago I found rough drafts of previous essays I've made, still intact amidst molds, mildew and a sister who forever throws out your things. Thing is, never did I make drafts unless I was sleepy, bored or totally clueless of the topic.

Haha. Luckily, the drafts' outcomes both won awards.

Anyways, the poor little girl needs to go to bed now.

I'm hoping to go back to school. I always am. O even dream about it.

Sicko.

Poor little girl.

Anyways, another tomorrow awaits me. I couldn't find my stick-on smile anywhere, darn it. I need it.I've been sad, for whatever reason, and it bothers me.

Maybe it's the distance. Separation issues? Ice cream deficiency?

Oh my.