Pimple Fever and the Great Chararat

you can count them
prick them
loathe them
privately or publicly

they can be a pain
in the ass
in the face
wherever, whenever

they come in all
shapes and sizes
damn
it sucks to be you

they ruin you at your best
highlight you at your worst
get out of my face
get out of my life

what menace
are we talking about?
one that is pus-filled?
or one that is pus-like?

Sanity

Amidst all the insanity I manage to stay afloat.

Life hasn't been all that cruel nor has been all that nice, but hey, hard work does pay off - one by one. :)

Hello happiness - I've waited for you for so long. :)

Once Upon A Time

In the life of a girl like me, decision-making was hell.

As a matter of fact, it is ongoing.

Pretty please, I need a sign here? :(

Early Morning

3am
Mind wandering
Looking
Searching
Morpheus, where are you?

Mind exhausted
Heart, tired
Slowly
Gently seeping
Yawn.

I remembered the
Pillow
Buried myself in it
And it smelled like your
Hair

Flooding
Rushing
nostalgia
No,
Nostalgia.

I will never get to sleep.

...but then again

Hopes are always high, always hoping for the best.

*fingers crossed*


Lord, enough of this madness. I can use a little sanity, if it isn't too much to ask. A few more days to go, just a few more. It would be just grand if You let me be tad more happy. I love you.

Suicide

When you jumped off the cliff,
You shouldn't have taken my heart with you.

Purple Heart

Sometimes I ask myself if taking your colored light off of my phone list made any sense. When most of the time I still hope you'd reach me, the pain isn't as unbearable as before. I have friends, I have studies, I have so many concerns nowadays that you aren't priority anymore.

The sad, lingering thought of you though, is still around.

The mere route you take to work, I worry that you might be skimming it any given time of day. I always make sure that even if I scour the whole stretch of road to and from school (and basically wherever I go to and come from as long as I go through that) I'd look my best. Some vain creature I am. Nah. It's maybe because I still want to look beautiful in your eyes, until now.

Even if I'll never hear that from you again.

You've changed. Everybody says so. Your friends, your family. That's normal. Change is inevitable. I don't need you to change. I can even tolerate how sloppy you are with your stuff. I find that normal, too. Sometimes I can get sloppier than sloppy. Goodness. Such disgrace.

There's only one thing in you, about you, I constantly pray for change.


And yet the door isn't shut, merely ajar. The windows are fully open, as if welcoming a return. An indefinite wait, a hundred - maybe even a thousand more years, until it is time.

I pray.

One Gloomy Morning

i woke up

annoyed

wanting to catch another

minute

asleep

went downstairs

and oh,

a puddle of cat

on the couch

how i envy them

went to the fridge

got some milk

went to the sink

barfed

spoiled

lanai

for fresh air

it was raining

dammit

but what the heck

breakfast, i thought

i'd make something up

and then i said, what the heck

food

has long lost its taste

life without meaning

trailing on

since you've been gone

but here i am, living the dream

that i'll soon be happy.

Dear Kuya,

For some reason you make me happy. Alive, rather. Whatever.

But you are the same reason I feel down.

You know what, f*ck it. Your existence haunts me.

Yet your absence kills me.

To the man whom the streets take care of

You are never missed
At the corner of 15th and Tuazon
You sit
In your makeshift bed
Your dining room
Your lounge
Of cardboard

How you make it to our street
I would never know
To sell Mama those umbrellas
Trashed
Left for nothing
Yet she gets them for you
Like new

What do you have for dinner?
Is it scraps of someone else's feast?
Is it the gift of tin you savor?
Is it the sheer happiness you get
From the reveling
In the nothingness
This world offers?

Yes, I Knew That.

Well, I could've put it into use earlier. Haha.

Thank you Lord, for all the things I didn't immediately realize I had, for all the people who love me, for all the reasons to keep my sanity intact; my happiness at bay.

You will never give me enough reasons to be thankful, because they are more than enough. :)

Angina Pectoris

There you are
You hardly exist
Like smoke
You come and go

It pains to see you near
And even in distance
You suffocate me
With your mere existence.

Keep On Messing With My Life, That's Right. :'(

Dear lonely, you hurt me
You just came and knocked me down
That's right

Dear lonely, you tore me
Say hello, it's been a while
And now you're here to stay once again

[Chorus]

Ohh
And I can't make you go away
So I'll just beg you please don't stay
Now filled with tears it's all because you're here
And there you go again
And there you go again
And there you go again
Dear lonely

I say dear lonely
Now are you happy?
Keep on messing with my life
That's right

What's the deal lonely
Come face me
Why'd you have to come at night?
You know it's not right

[Chorus]
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/z/zia_quizon/dear_lonely.html ]
Ohh
And I can't make you go away
So I'll just beg you please don't stay
Now filled with tears it's all because you're here
And there you go again
And there you go again
And there you go again
Dear lonely

[Bridge]

You're in my bed when I sleep
And in my pillow you bring tears woah
I can't wait for the day that you will leave
If I could only find a way to live in peace
You wouldn't have to take control over me

[Chorus2]

And I can't make you go away
So I'll just beg you please don't stay
Now filled with tears it's all because you're here
And you are
The rain outside, the wind at night
The time when I turn off the lights
Oh why just can't you leave me?
Oh when will you be through?
And there you go again
And there you go again
And there you go again
Dear lonely

Dear Lonely,

This doesn't look as good as it seems, you know.

You keep me sane for a week or two, the next you disappear like some mist. Some smoke, some cloud. Without a trace.

I listen, pay attention, take note of the things you need rather than the things you want - and I'm undoubtedly good at it.

And you pretend I don't exist when I need you the most. Thank you.

Every waking day you break my heart, knowing that you don't reach out - or even plan to. I love you, and loved you all along. Will that change? Not anytime soon. So don't think this comes easy for me. Because it doesn't.

I'd rather live in silence, blind to what keeps your ego puffed. I don't know what you write about, nor have an idea what or who keeps you preoccupied today. I don't want to know about it tomorrow, or whenever soon. Because I don't play a part in any of it.

Every Single Time.

I have been trying to work out a pretty good schedule for school and it seems that there's always a problem that doesn't fail to ruin it.

Will I ever finish school? Will I ever get a better job? For whatever reason it gets dragging by the minute. Frustrating by the minute. Pathetic by the minute. They say that I should be thankful for God's little delays in life. Then I'll try to. But that doesn't mean that the frustration won't go away.



When will you ever stop being Prozac?

She Knew She Was Emotionally Reckless.

And she didn't care. She believed in the credo of  "no regrets". Taking risks came easier than thinking once, twice, thrice about what would happen next. Which, ironically, clashed with a new word she started absorbing lately: familiarity.


"Familiarity is good". The phrase stuck like that annoying bubble gum on your best pair of pants. She didn't know how it got there, but it tamed her, sedated her, kept her quiet.

Was she categorized under the "familiars' category, if ever there was one? She couldn't tell. Not because it was unclear to her, but she saw it. Plain as day. She felt it. Like sunshine on one's skin.

She couldn't complain. She couldn't cry. She didn't feel bad, but she really didn't feel that good. But she knew that there were things is this so-called life that are just worth hanging on to, worth fighting for.

Enjoying the presence, living in the present.


I've loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more.

Once Upon A Time

There was this little girl who wanted to be smart as smart can be. She had this yearning, this dream, this passion to know all the answers to things that she felt had a deeper meaning. She wanted to know every secret there could be. She wanted to know everything that can be put into question.

Time went on and this little girl grew up to be one of a kind. She did have a lot in between her ears. Her parents knew it, her friends knew it, even she herself knew it. And she was happy. She found her knowledge much of an asset.

Until one day, one person taught her the importance of leaving a mystery or two unknown.

Because You Can Take More Than One Punch

At this point in time I am actually gaining tenure points for taking life's everyday punches.

It won't always be easy, I have to constantly remind myself that you can't really pick your drama for the day. Just dealing with what's on your plate is the way to work things out.

No regrets.

For You - Who's Always The Last to Believe.

The Lucky One - Vertical Horizon

We carried all the colors
from the portrait of our summer
We never felt the answers
weighing down our shoulders


Time goes fast when you wander
And nothing lasts forever
Will I still feel the power
of you and me together
and light surround you

I know I'm the lucky one
though I'm always the last to believe
I know I'm the lucky one
Cause I'm here and you're with me

So tell me are you willing
to try this thing called living
cause there are so many edges hidden
It's so hard to be forgiving

But I'll try once if you ask me
And once again everlasting
For all my days I'll love you
see the light surround you

I know I'm the lucky one
though I'm always the last to believe
I know I'm the lucky one
cause I'm here and you're with me

When the wrongs and the rights all've been pushed aside
You're my favourite color
You're the black to the white and the warmth inside
You're the sun I'm under

I volunteer to watch you
Through the dreams that haunt you
I promise to wake you
before the fear takes you
may the light surround you

I know I'm the lucky one
though it took so long to see
I know I'm the lucky one
cause I'm here and you're with me

May the light surround you..

Nikki, How's Summer?

Lots of things have been going on this month.

Some shocker. Never thought there would be such a plethora of crap and happy crap going on.

Got your heart broken by some pretty boy, free from work, helping your mom help you.

Cried, laughed, thought about a lot of things.

Things don't really go the way you plan them to be. Delays, changes, a ton of hang-ups: whatever comes your way, don't fret. Instead, look at the bright side. There are reasons behind these, no matter how deep the shit you may be in.



P.S.

Yes Nikki, the Cutie Pie was something. :(

A Not-So-Introvert's Attempt at Socializing

For whatever reason I can mingle with people, start conversations and make new acquaintances and yet still end up being an introvert.

Dafuq.

That didn't even make sense. ANYWAYS, I did a little observation on how I'd try to get out of the world and have a good time without much contact.

If that even made any sense - AGAIN. :))

So here's a list. I'm guessing that more'll be added to this. After all, these are methods of coping.

1. Couch potato-ing with your siblings.

- Sure, easy for me to say. Movies work, sure. But series are epic. If you have complete seasons of sci-fi, comedy and whatnots, go. Drama optional. They just make you think and feel pathetic. You wouldn't want that. Share the couch with a brother or two. A sister or two. A dog or two. A parent or two. 

And stock on Coke. Lots of Coke. ;)

2. DQ dates.

- Whether it be your best friend, ex-best friend, ex-boyfriend or whoever you consider a friend (you can bring your internet girlfriend if you're really that hopeless) to Dairy Queen. Lame, I know. But you don't really need to talk much and do much. Ta-daa.

3. Bury yourself in good reads.

- Another lame observation. Some geek you are, Miss Estrada. *facepalm*

4. If you don't like your series, lobby for squatting rights.

- Either my parents raised me to be a geek or there are just some lonely people on the face of the planet. For one whole day you can watch for a price. And you can go from breakfast til dinner. Swear. :D *double facepalm*

5. Live like a health freak, eat like you don't care.

- The weird thing I've noticed when jogging is that I tend to store extras for a day or two before you see results. Odd, isn't it? But that doesn't stop me from eating the stuff I want. Eat whatever, whenever. Don't give a crap about proportions and portions. You get to savor the morning air, stay fit, run with people alongside you BUT don't really need to mingle.

(at least there are OTHER people. hahaha)

6. Go mobile. And when you're at it, you'll appreciate "unsubscribe" all of a sudden. >:D

- It pays to go mobile. You don't need to kill to be in front of a pc in a matter of seconds, and emails are a geek's best friend. Facebook? Sure. You get to pay the hellos and happy birthdays. But you also have to endure flooders. People who rant for want of attention and not to vent out, people with duckfaces and boobfaces, boozefaces and then some.

You don't really need to make things THAT obvious. *evil laugh*

Epic failure? I'd like to think of it that way. I guess this is just the way I'm tailored. If you had a mother who excelled in the arts, a father who wanted to be a lawyer at one point and come from a brood of 8 children with a quite a number of similar traits, then let me be. :)

A Series of Unfortunate Events

So the first few months of the year didn't really come out the way I wanted it. The hormonal imbalance episodes, the angst, the drama all piling up and making you feel as if you didn't want to move on like some lame protagonist. Some martyr. Some drama queen.

You call it sick, I call it normal.

I don't really know what else is in store for me. This week progresses well while last week I was in a rut, crying my eyes out and wanting out as well. Until God intervenes and tells you that everything is gonna be all right. You just have to have enough faith and perseverance to believe that things do happen for a reason, and what is due you will come to you not when you expect it, but in its perfect time.

Dreams come true not just because you wish for it, but also work for it.

Being strong is another. Yes. All the strength is needed when you work real hard for your dreams.

And So,

Here we go again. The oh-wtf-i'm-getting-used-to-having-you-around.

You think it's funny, manageable? You think that the constant crap I am being fed would make things better?

With the daily nightmares, the disrupted sleep patterns, the paranoia, the phone checking every minute, I know that this will take me nowhere.

Until I hear from you. Which is the only thing that makes everything okay.





Hate me.

Regurgitate

My heart skipped a beat
And suddenly made me feel
Sick
Did it jump and get stuck in my
Throat?

My face grows warm
With every move
You make
I am suddenly alive

It's 3AM
And I suddenly taste
What I had for
Lunch

I want to cry
But I can't
It only worsens the pain
Somebody end this

Excruciating
Slow death
I see and feel everything
But I'm a corpse.

Everything stops.

I stare at the clock.

Witching hour
I am not supposed
To be
Here.

This is me
Bleeding
Dying
From jealousy's deathly blow.

A Little Bird Once Told Me...

to forget the past since what's done is done.

Sometimes, it is better to leave the skeletons in the closet. Once you start cleaning, you just might get a rhinitis attack. And everything after dust and old stuff ain't gonna do you no good.

You Smell of the Fields

You smell of the fields
Warm
Crisp
Alive

Joyful
Exhilarated
Drugged
By your scent

You smell like siesta
Comforting
Light
Refreshing
On a Sunday afternoon

You smell like bibingka
Warm
Delicious
Desirable
You fill me in

You smell like love
Ardent
Passionate
Sensuous
I make you want me

I know your every scent
Every whiff of you is
Intoxicating
Hypnotizing

You are the air that I breathe.

Conundrum

If only
You knew
How much
You make me

High

Then it
Would be
Just dandy
To be around

You

But then
You can never
Ever
Know

The truth

You have
Her
I have
You

We have so
Much
In common
It makes me

Cry

I am your
Vitamin
Compensates for
What she

Lacks

You are
Prozac
You drag me
To work

Sane

She can never know
Nobody can ever know
What's in between
Sick, sad space called

Our world.

Happy New Year?

Nikki, have you ever thought of what you did in the past, last few days of 2011?

Apparently, yes. You wished you were stronger. More aggressive. Know how to say no when you feel like you do stuff for people who don't have a clue what you actually DO to please them. Stopped being on call. Don't think of people who may actually aggravate your little happiness. Fly.

You know what, you still think a lot. I'm guessing that's one thing you can't stop doing it, for that matter. Reason you cry a lot, get sick a lot, invoke paranoia, is because of this.

You actually cried for the wrong person. Of all people, would you believe? This is new, seriously.

Stop it. Love yourself a little bit more. Just how many days into 2012 and you start tearing your eyes out once again.

Dwell on Hemingway, Palanca et.al.