Sting, Stang (?!) Stung

It pretty much does.

Just like a sore joint in a cold weather, an old incision on a rainy day. It haunts me like a ghost, unwavering, always there to remind you of something, someone who used to exist.

Do I still try to find the truth that not all is gone? Do I still want to find the truth behind the lies? Am I already facing bitter reality?

I wouldn't really know if you gave me answers to the many questions you left lying on the floor.

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away..


Fuck. Relapse. Fuck relapses. I'd rather die than to go through this again. :(

For Lack of Things to Do (and moping because of dear Brandon)

Found my peborit. I really dunno if these things are like 100% accurate, but hell I don't care. Happy pills.

You Are Excited

You carry others with your strength. You can be strong for friends and family when they're not able to be. You are a very inspiring person. You show others that dreams can come true. You take charge naturally, and people don't usually stop you. You are confident and competent. You think the best days and years are yet to come. You are ready for the future.

How Are You Feeling?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

...and another:

Your Guy Could Bring You Home

When it comes to meeting the parents, you're cool and calm. In fact, you're so self assured, you may forget to try to impress them. Work that famous charm a little more, and your boyfriend's family will be loving you.

Would He Bring You Home to Mom?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

(Nikki, bitter. :P)

You Are Outspoken

You are a confident person who doesn't second guess big decisions. You trust yourself to know what's right. You are happy to share your ideas about any subject. You don't mind expressing controversial opinions. You know where you want to go and how you're going to get there. You are very goal directed. You are extremely motivated and driven. People wonder where you get all your energy from.

The Coffee Craving Test

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

(some coffee whore I am. hahaha)

You Are Ruled by Mercury

You love to talk, and you're darn good at it. You are a very outgoing person. You are a good communicator, and you can get your message across to almost anyone. You are very energetic, and you get restless easily, especially when you're by yourself. You are extremely curious and even a bit brainy. You love to investigate everything.

What Planet Rules You?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

(told you, unstoppable. :)) )

You Should Never Date a Libra

Indecisive, flirtatious, and downright deceptive - your Libra will tell you what you want to hear. Problem is they'll be telling *everyone* what they want to hear. Instead try dating: Pisces, Taurus, Virgo, or Scorpio

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are a Geek

You definitely have some nerdy ways, but you've evolved into something way cooler - a geek. You are free spirited and quirky. You're proud of who you are, and you've got style. You may not fit in completely, but you don't have any problems socializing. You're witty, smart, and very knowledgable. You believe that everyone should embrace their inner geek!

Are You A Nerd or a Geek?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

(embracing the inner geekiness. hahaha)

So I Can Still Flip the Bird at the Screen?

Cold feet.

Well, not exactly cold "cold" feet, but for the nth time I'd just want to run wild and forget I ever submitted and almost killed myself with that weeklong crap. For whatever reason I'd still love to have the mediocrity of being a regular employee and going on home with no reasons to stay back at work. Mygod.

Nikki, for the nth time over, is on the way to growing up. Yay.

Easily frustrated being, I'm thankful for the ears that never got tired of listening. For Shelu who calls herself another dumdum and a half and a kunsintidora, for Joy who's the constant cheerleader.. Only 2 of the most cherished people on the planet.

Let's see if I'll have my heart eaten up later. Whew. :s

Yeah, You and Your Elevator Shiznit.

For the past few days never-as in never-in my history of self-induced sleep deprivation drama have I felt so drained.

Will all these pay off? I am just so hoping.

If it doesn't, then it really isn't meant to be.

Last Saturday I had to drag my mother and Gabbi all the way to Roxas Boulevard to pimp myself. Not that I wanted it, I just needed to. Lait festival, as I may call it.There was a skinny Boss Ira wannabe (I soo love Boss Ira), Imelda Marcos wannabe, and the just-so-not-so-overweight wannabes. That, for you, is what you call excess baggage. HAHA.

Tidbits from last week:

• Elevator-shoe man.

You're so vain. Mind you, I'm taller than you. And you're not popular. Who says you are when I myself don't even know you exist. Major eew. Get a grip. I think you like me. After all, I wasn't asking for a cocky show.

• I love you coffee machine.


The savior of all saviors. If you don't want the peseta-worth coffee, settle for the luxurious vendo coffee. And when I say luxurious, that's settling for the costliest in the bunch. Vendo macchiato. True love.♥

• And all of a sudden I soo hate those shoes.


What's the big idea with the online selling and those hidden shiznit drama-mahs? There's this person who just can't get enough of the bullying and *kpoof* immediately jacked up the price for a pair of ballet flats. Psycho.

• So you think you got yourself a girly-girl? Think again.


And a wimp, for that matter. Excuse me sir, that doesn't end the story. You think i'd end this without even putting up a fight? No sir, no indeed. Nothing is worth fighting for if you know it's reparable, you know how, what and when to compromise, it makes you happy.

I can't believe I'm doing this again. And what a he-wimp you are.

• Revenge: sweet. Unknowing victim: sweeter.

*evil laugh*  'nuf said. :))

'Cause It's Nice To Know...

That I now know what I want. :)

Thing is, does it want me back? Only time can tell.

And I realized that there are some things that you're pretty much good living without.

Take a look at this. Looks familiar?

Somebody bite me. LOL. :)) Funny thing is you want to keep asking yourself if anything better's coming your way (truth of the matter is you're just waiting for Mulder and Scully to find traces of abduction).

Yes, I find myself missing the motherfucker for no reason at all. "He's not worth it", a friend of me told me a few days ago. Why don't I miss the man-whore and I miss the abducted being, she asks again. For what it's worth, for the pain, the dedication, for everything. He's the one I want.

But, as mentioned, he's not here. He's been abducted by aliens.

The next time there's another abduction I'll make sure that I go with those green men, if it takes being absent from work. I want that being back.

Kiss Sanity Goodbye

In a few hours from now I am about to do something that pretty much'll define what time's keeping me from leaving the office.

Good job. 11 AM? Somebody kill me.

Well, after 11 AM perhaps. If I make it out of the room alive.

*fingers crossed*

And He Ate My Heart.

Amazing. Just amaaaaazing. I can have myself hanged for being such a mofo.

Talk and talk, cry and cry. That's fine. Evereybody's entitled to a little emoting drama every now and then.

Question is until when.

Sometimes I just wish you just suffer the same dramatic bull I'm in, even more. I wish karma would have you get worse. Sometimes you should see life in a not-so-funny atmosphere anymore. 

But that's just all wishful thinking, and this is just me. And you perfectly know that I can't think that way when it comes to you. :(

Dear Brandon, I Love You Goodbye.

Annoying how my brother can play morning view to fungus amongus while I sit here typing my ass off. Hmf. Good job. :-|


So I survived another shift earlier. Due to the despicable dinner and the waaay too rich chocolate, here I am again with another run-through of things that transpired (or perceived) within the day.

• One man's meat is another man's poison.

In desperate attempts to make ends meet (and for my mother to not have an idea as to what I am doing), I had no choice to cancel my leave. For a concert date that took one whole summer in the making, canceling it the last minute is just pure bull. Pure bitter bull.

I wanted to prolong things a bit (like submitting the cancellation form midweek, duh) just to humor my sanity.

Until she came along and thanked me in advance.

A LatAm girl was thanking me, jumping with joy that I was about to cancel the 28th since her boyfriend surprised her with tickets to the concert and yet she didn't get to file a leave and couldn't swap as well. A million and one thank yous and a promise to tell me all about it made me sulk and had my heart go out to her.
My god Nikki, how does that feel now.

So there, one man's meat is another man's poison. In my case, it's my meat and my poison. :(

• The Grouch.

I am forced to wake up early in order to get stoned for three hours then kill myself for 8 hours more. Hello, hormones, hello grouchiness, hello hell. Go figure.

• I don't really know what's up with you.

For the nth time, I don't really get you. I know that I'll be the best among the rest but my god. I don't even know if I'll be flattered, annoyed, or just apathetic about it.

Treat me out to coffee. Let me be the judge.

(this is me half-bragging, half-confused about you.)



• If you get caught between the moon and Quezon City...

I am so hooked to the Christopher Cross classic. It had been playing in my head for the past month and couldn't stop me from singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing...

(it will never stop, I swear.)

Come to think of it, I am still not over the so-called summer romance. How can I tell, easy. The first thing that pops into my mind when I wake up is still the last thing I think of when I go to bed. The number one person I want to hear from is still him. The phone's loaded for those little in cases. Wishing that he'd knock his head and remember that I'm still here for all the wrong and right reasons is still an open option.


Until you realize that only time can tell. :(

I love you, you mofo. If it takes tearing your curls off your head in order to get you back I've done it since the day aliens first abducted you.


Apparently, it isn't.

Hello, Corner Seat.

Hello corner seat, I see you everyday.

For some reason, may it be by impulse or by instinct, I just have to glance at you. The mere corner, the mere space.

You do look like other corner seats, like the one where the vent can freeze you to death and the other one that didn't even work at all.

Sometimes you are occupied and sometimes you're not.

Sometimes i'd like to use you, since you are in the corner and there'll always be the lesser chance of not being called for replacements.

But lately i'd just like to look at you instead.

There are times when I make my way back to my seat when, for some reason, I see someone when I really don't at all. A ghost of some sort, I believe, since it sends chills up my spine. It makes me take a second look and makes me die inside for a split second that I stand there, wondering where that came from.

And when I get back to my senses, I just have to cry.

Why, I ask myself. Why should a mere corner seat, a mere space actually do this when it really shouldn't.

And this is the part when I break down and cry.

For What It's Worth.

I miss that motherfucker.

Never have I thought that it would go this way. The sting is here. The pain is fresh. The agony is heavy.

And I am constantly finding ways to keep the gap filled by keeping myself preoccupied with all that's worth.

Why I find myself missing him when I'm not really supposed to, I know why. When people tell me that it's easier to have the world at your feet, given the time frame that it had existed, I thank them. But I know myself better than anybody else. It will never work that way.

Whatever his reasons, may it be a front or may it be real, that would up to be him. Looking on the brighter side of things, he did jumpstart a new chapter, proving that not everything is worth dwelling on. He made me happy, looking forward to each workday even if work pretty much involved a hellhole for a workplace. He made me know how it felt to have somebody who was in tune with you, even if it was short-lived.

For what it's worth, thank you. I owe you, one way or another, that short-lived bliss, that bigtime breather I so much needed. Life couldn't have been the same if you didn't exist in my so-called world.

Hello Heart. How Are You?

For the nth time, Nikki. Give it up.

I cannot believe what fate is trying to shove up my face. Does it have to forever rain when one way or another I deserve to be happy?

The next best thing is now the last resort.






...and when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you.


(or probably, better)





Am back to square one. :(

Boy, You Got My Heartbeat Running Away.

Good morning, gloomy weather. You hype my desire to write nonsense once more.

I cannot believe this rain. I am becoming more and more of a layas just because of this sick, sad weather. I already ate a book, dragged myself running, room-danced, ate and ate and ate. And still finding myself having to write once more.

I need more books, I presume.

In desperate efforts to divert attention energy, I find myself pretty much tired of doing such. Finding diversions has never gotten me this exhausted.

Until now.

Busy, busy, busy. God.

So the next best thing is to go out more often, eat more often.

My god. And even eating becomes exhausting. :(

So let's go back to school. I am so excited. And yet the FA idea gnaws my brain out. So whatever comes first, grab it. I'll just have to hang myself if I get neither. Risky, yes. As in very. 


But it isn't anybody else's decision but mine. And sometimes taking risks are just worth it.

Super Bass. :)

I remember what my mother told me when I was younger, that sometimes it pays to be happy with the things you have. I remember telling other people the same thing, whether it be good or bad it always came happy.

Now, I find myself telling yes, myself, the same thing. Funny, I say to myself. Since I have always been the person who always wanted more, who wanted things perfect, who wanted people to go by my standards, who wanted everything in place. As karma may have it, I am easily frustrated. As in fuck frustrated.

So I decided to cut down on the overachieving, overexpecting thing. Sometimes it does help. It pays. It makes you sleep at night. And it makes you love yourself a little more.

For some reason when everything seems wrong, when the world starts to crumble, you come around.

And once again, I realize why I should be thankful that you're here. :)

And Here I Go Again.

Whiner.

Gone are the days of wishful thinking and happily ever after. You try to at least to be happy when there are a lot of this and thats here and there. You try to make things perfect in your own little meaning of perfect and everything comes in a mad array of contradicting factors.

The face. HAHAHA. That's what you GET. Loser. >:)

I hate this weather.

On the lighter side, I am keeping myself busy for all the wrong reasons.

And cascading back to the depressing part: the weather.