Good Morning Sunshine.

Thank You for giving me another reason to look forward to going to work everyday.

Let's just see where this'll end up. Nobody's rushing this time. :)

EEW.

From psychos to hos to the freaky geeks,

They have had their chance and I pretty much believe they'll stay the way they are. So keep moving forward.

Issues, schmissues.

Dear Mr. Psycho,


I cannot believe how psychotic you can get. Asshole.

Just imagine how you could ever have either whores or psychos for lovers.

Lucky (and unlucky) for me, I've gotten a wind of both. So dear God, enough of the bad stuff. I promise to do better this time. :)

I cannot believe I am slowly getting happiness back in my hands.

So-hooooo,

Are you ready for another roller coaster ride, Nikkikins?

Happiness can really find its way to you when you don't expect it to be. :)

Taunting the waves and toying with chances.

Make all that cheese go away and pretend that there isn't a single glitch in your sound system.

Happy as I seem, the glitch is there.

So he'll be my little secret for the meantime.

Hush, hush.


Forgive the child in your woman
Your woman is a child
If you know so much better
Then why you are here now?

Ow.

You make my cheeks hurt just smiling, blushing all day.


*mush and cheese*



:D

So Is This The 360-Degree Turn?

WOW.

Yes Nikki, this is it. Today's the start of the new, better you. So why stop it? You should be happy you know. You draw happiness and inspiration from friends and family,


LEARN from your mistakes and *fingers crossed* promise not to do it again.


Tell yourself that you may be young but you are older and wiser than your years.

If people may think you're a dreamer, that you have so much illusions of grandeur,

Tell them to go fuck themselves because they have no dreams of their own.

Avoid cynical people. They tend to drain the happiness out of you.

It would be of useless dreaming to be with such beings. It's just not healthy.

If you still can't be the artist, be the critic --

But that doesn't mean that you can't be the conversation piece as well. So take it easy.

Don't find love, it'll find you,

Like everything and everyone, they'll come around when the time is right.

Strive. Always do.

Continue taking risks, for you'll never know what you're missing until you try. Your heart will never be at peace until you do.

Be thankful for God's little delays. Sometimes it pays that happiness comes a few minutes later than expected.

Now be a good girl and continue living life. You're worth it. You're worth the world. ♥

Starlight Express

God help me. The pain is much more than I was expecting.

Easier said than done, the 15-day-program is bullshit. Who was I fooling when I know that the first ray of hope on the matter would make me go nuts once again.

Are you planning to give me a heart attack or what? Dammit. Of all people. The pain fresh, the hopes still up. I know that I just can't assume all the time what's going on in that brain of yours (and as for everybody else) but what do you want me to think, really?

What hurts me the most is that I am hanging onto air. Into nothingness. I fool myself that you are existent, that you weren't given much of a chance, that one day you'll listen so that I can start getting my life back.

Chicken shit. I'm here. Yoo-hoo. I'm just here. What's so wrong with your vision? What do you expect me to think about distance when I find out that you're just a few blocks away from where I am?


Go on fool, keep breaking my heart. For something this short I am feeling a long-term heartache.

Futile.

FUTILE.


Disengaging pretty soon. :(

(make it SNAPPY rather.)

Back to reality. A friend told me that I can never keep peace with myself if I don't start asking. Yes, I know that very much. One must take risks, one must have the balls to be that risky enough if you want things to go your way to get the one thing you want. This is the reason my mother once told a friend that she knew where I got my looks but couldn't figure out where I got my drive. The brave little toaster. The risk-taker. The Nikki.

And it could've been better if the "source" was pretty much existent to exercise my belief onto. :(

On the lighter side of life, I am pressuring myself to go back to school. Well, the going back is easy, the paying-the-arrears part isn't. God. Why did this world have to run on money?! Pfft. If school didn't run on tuition I could've taken masterals for the mere fun of studying. Or have taken a double major. Or have made it to the academe.

Dreaming on. Hahaha, funny kid. :))

You Have A Marquee Board on Your Forehead.

I hate going to work lately.

The queue is pure BS. With all those new hires and the retards' holiday, where is the much-awaited avail of a minute and then some?! God. Now all those little ows and whoops are sprouting out of nowhere like fungi. Pfft.

I was still at home yesterday when I got wind of what was on the news. Same old, same old: DepEd suspending classes, passing the ball to CHED for college and leaving the hoop open to Malacanang for the metropolis. Man, people can be slowpokes. It was finalized around 1 PM, when everybody had the chance to be soaked, stranded and finish almost half the day iffed.

Politics is dirty. And fugly. And not something healthy to be digested. Bleh. xp

Due to the futile efforts to reach a mini-goal (and the mini-goal being unreachable), I decided to scratch the mini-goal out of the checklist. There was a marquee board, seriously. Hmm. I'll survive. :)

My mother gave me this idea to scour the whole stretch of Pasay and Paranaque once more. Hmm. So I'm going pimping anytime soon. Mothers. Love them. Hate them. Love them all over again. ♥

The next thing I know is I'm back to sleeping on the job again. Eew. God, give me my sleep back. I want those hey-i'm-asleep-and-I-want-some-more episodes. It's driving me nuts, seriously. And I couldn't care less.

Me: "Vian, meet James. James, Vian. Vian's my friend, you know. And James was Shelu's buddy during the call sim blah-blah-blah." (whatever you call that shiznit, I thought to myself) 

Vian: "So teammate mu sha na new"?
James: "Hehehe"
Me: "No. Which reminds me, why do I know you again"? (lutang, pare)
James: "Hehehe" (isa pang lutang)

Vian: "Hehehe" (nalintikan na)

Now that is what a shitty queue can do to people.

Politics, religion, fugly people. Ethics clearly states that these are the things that aren't to be openly discussed about.

The third one though, I made up. :))

Good morning sunshine. I missed you so. ♥

This is the nth Random-Titled Post.

After waking up waaay too early for work, I have had myself a thought scramble (sans milk and chocolate syrup). Run-through:

• 15 days.

In 15 days I will test my sanity by being merely existent. But no texting, no chatting, no keeping in touch. The countdown started just yesterday (August 1st). Help me. As both my friends have mentioned, have hope if the person's in a coma, mourn if they go away and yet still have their presence felt. For the latter? Goodness. I now throw my hands in the air.

• How can I have peace with you if I don't at least try to have peace with myself?


Easier said than done. Focus on the good things but don't forget the bad things. Keep distance. The circulating rumor has had my head for that matter. And I have to say that it smacked me square in the face. I half-believe, half-turn a blind eye and deaf ear to it. If I let this go through my senses, I am only driven to drive myself insane.

For how can I defend myself when I'm the only one left here? Did you ever think of that? Giving you the benefit of the doubt, how can you defend yourself when you're not here?

And you don't even give a shit no more.

• If you feel miserable, don't share your misery. It's bad for my health.

I've been hearing things. And I have to admit that they're just downright painful to the ears. There's just no substance, no proof. Take a bow. All's been said and done.

• Avoid loud and aggressive persons. They are vexations to the spirit.

To justify the former. I just started doing so. For a million-and-one reasons, it was about time I kept my distance from such beings. I only get anxious when they come into the distance. Sorry. :(

• Run, Nikki, Run.


How can I run in a weather as depressing as this?! Goodness.Funny though, I am tad skinnier now compared to a month ago. I remember telling someone over summer how much I missed the rain. Now I despise the rain again.  Fuck summer romances. You didn't read that.

• I'll keep myself busy, and eventually, I'll forget about not you, but everything you left that needs picking up.


Enough said.

• I started cleaning my laundry in private.

Yet you owe it to me to clean some.

• Never assume how someone else is feeling - Fergie

So here I am, trying so hard not to. No matter how bad this is, the only person left to weather the storm is me. Sadly, people come and go and sometimes you just want to assume what runs inside their heads. Do they think of you? Are they afraid of you? When you cross their minds do they just want to throw up? Do they take the fun out of hiding?

This is the first time that for once, I am doing myself a favor. 15 days. Practicing the art of deadma. Walk the road to healing, to forgetting. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Help me.A million times over I have had my heart broken for so many reasons. I'll stop being a softie for 15 days and do myself a favor to love myself a little more than those who I believe are worth loving, but not worth the effort.

Help me. I am praying constantly. I need all the courage, all the guts in the world mustered. :(

So There I Was, Minding My Own Business...

When a little bird told me one thing, one quote to get my emotional baggage out the window.



YOU CAN START DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE, PHONY.




Disgusting. Just disgusting. I hate you, asshole. Never have I been so disgusted in my whole life.