This is the nth Random-Titled Post.

After waking up waaay too early for work, I have had myself a thought scramble (sans milk and chocolate syrup). Run-through:

• 15 days.

In 15 days I will test my sanity by being merely existent. But no texting, no chatting, no keeping in touch. The countdown started just yesterday (August 1st). Help me. As both my friends have mentioned, have hope if the person's in a coma, mourn if they go away and yet still have their presence felt. For the latter? Goodness. I now throw my hands in the air.

• How can I have peace with you if I don't at least try to have peace with myself?


Easier said than done. Focus on the good things but don't forget the bad things. Keep distance. The circulating rumor has had my head for that matter. And I have to say that it smacked me square in the face. I half-believe, half-turn a blind eye and deaf ear to it. If I let this go through my senses, I am only driven to drive myself insane.

For how can I defend myself when I'm the only one left here? Did you ever think of that? Giving you the benefit of the doubt, how can you defend yourself when you're not here?

And you don't even give a shit no more.

• If you feel miserable, don't share your misery. It's bad for my health.

I've been hearing things. And I have to admit that they're just downright painful to the ears. There's just no substance, no proof. Take a bow. All's been said and done.

• Avoid loud and aggressive persons. They are vexations to the spirit.

To justify the former. I just started doing so. For a million-and-one reasons, it was about time I kept my distance from such beings. I only get anxious when they come into the distance. Sorry. :(

• Run, Nikki, Run.


How can I run in a weather as depressing as this?! Goodness.Funny though, I am tad skinnier now compared to a month ago. I remember telling someone over summer how much I missed the rain. Now I despise the rain again.  Fuck summer romances. You didn't read that.

• I'll keep myself busy, and eventually, I'll forget about not you, but everything you left that needs picking up.


Enough said.

• I started cleaning my laundry in private.

Yet you owe it to me to clean some.

• Never assume how someone else is feeling - Fergie

So here I am, trying so hard not to. No matter how bad this is, the only person left to weather the storm is me. Sadly, people come and go and sometimes you just want to assume what runs inside their heads. Do they think of you? Are they afraid of you? When you cross their minds do they just want to throw up? Do they take the fun out of hiding?

This is the first time that for once, I am doing myself a favor. 15 days. Practicing the art of deadma. Walk the road to healing, to forgetting. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Help me.A million times over I have had my heart broken for so many reasons. I'll stop being a softie for 15 days and do myself a favor to love myself a little more than those who I believe are worth loving, but not worth the effort.

Help me. I am praying constantly. I need all the courage, all the guts in the world mustered. :(