Dear Brandon, I Love You Goodbye.

Annoying how my brother can play morning view to fungus amongus while I sit here typing my ass off. Hmf. Good job. :-|


So I survived another shift earlier. Due to the despicable dinner and the waaay too rich chocolate, here I am again with another run-through of things that transpired (or perceived) within the day.

• One man's meat is another man's poison.

In desperate attempts to make ends meet (and for my mother to not have an idea as to what I am doing), I had no choice to cancel my leave. For a concert date that took one whole summer in the making, canceling it the last minute is just pure bull. Pure bitter bull.

I wanted to prolong things a bit (like submitting the cancellation form midweek, duh) just to humor my sanity.

Until she came along and thanked me in advance.

A LatAm girl was thanking me, jumping with joy that I was about to cancel the 28th since her boyfriend surprised her with tickets to the concert and yet she didn't get to file a leave and couldn't swap as well. A million and one thank yous and a promise to tell me all about it made me sulk and had my heart go out to her.
My god Nikki, how does that feel now.

So there, one man's meat is another man's poison. In my case, it's my meat and my poison. :(

• The Grouch.

I am forced to wake up early in order to get stoned for three hours then kill myself for 8 hours more. Hello, hormones, hello grouchiness, hello hell. Go figure.

• I don't really know what's up with you.

For the nth time, I don't really get you. I know that I'll be the best among the rest but my god. I don't even know if I'll be flattered, annoyed, or just apathetic about it.

Treat me out to coffee. Let me be the judge.

(this is me half-bragging, half-confused about you.)



• If you get caught between the moon and Quezon City...

I am so hooked to the Christopher Cross classic. It had been playing in my head for the past month and couldn't stop me from singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing and singing...

(it will never stop, I swear.)

Come to think of it, I am still not over the so-called summer romance. How can I tell, easy. The first thing that pops into my mind when I wake up is still the last thing I think of when I go to bed. The number one person I want to hear from is still him. The phone's loaded for those little in cases. Wishing that he'd knock his head and remember that I'm still here for all the wrong and right reasons is still an open option.


Until you realize that only time can tell. :(

I love you, you mofo. If it takes tearing your curls off your head in order to get you back I've done it since the day aliens first abducted you.


Apparently, it isn't.

Hello, Corner Seat.

Hello corner seat, I see you everyday.

For some reason, may it be by impulse or by instinct, I just have to glance at you. The mere corner, the mere space.

You do look like other corner seats, like the one where the vent can freeze you to death and the other one that didn't even work at all.

Sometimes you are occupied and sometimes you're not.

Sometimes i'd like to use you, since you are in the corner and there'll always be the lesser chance of not being called for replacements.

But lately i'd just like to look at you instead.

There are times when I make my way back to my seat when, for some reason, I see someone when I really don't at all. A ghost of some sort, I believe, since it sends chills up my spine. It makes me take a second look and makes me die inside for a split second that I stand there, wondering where that came from.

And when I get back to my senses, I just have to cry.

Why, I ask myself. Why should a mere corner seat, a mere space actually do this when it really shouldn't.

And this is the part when I break down and cry.

For What It's Worth.

I miss that motherfucker.

Never have I thought that it would go this way. The sting is here. The pain is fresh. The agony is heavy.

And I am constantly finding ways to keep the gap filled by keeping myself preoccupied with all that's worth.

Why I find myself missing him when I'm not really supposed to, I know why. When people tell me that it's easier to have the world at your feet, given the time frame that it had existed, I thank them. But I know myself better than anybody else. It will never work that way.

Whatever his reasons, may it be a front or may it be real, that would up to be him. Looking on the brighter side of things, he did jumpstart a new chapter, proving that not everything is worth dwelling on. He made me happy, looking forward to each workday even if work pretty much involved a hellhole for a workplace. He made me know how it felt to have somebody who was in tune with you, even if it was short-lived.

For what it's worth, thank you. I owe you, one way or another, that short-lived bliss, that bigtime breather I so much needed. Life couldn't have been the same if you didn't exist in my so-called world.

Hello Heart. How Are You?

For the nth time, Nikki. Give it up.

I cannot believe what fate is trying to shove up my face. Does it have to forever rain when one way or another I deserve to be happy?

The next best thing is now the last resort.






...and when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you.


(or probably, better)





Am back to square one. :(

Boy, You Got My Heartbeat Running Away.

Good morning, gloomy weather. You hype my desire to write nonsense once more.

I cannot believe this rain. I am becoming more and more of a layas just because of this sick, sad weather. I already ate a book, dragged myself running, room-danced, ate and ate and ate. And still finding myself having to write once more.

I need more books, I presume.

In desperate efforts to divert attention energy, I find myself pretty much tired of doing such. Finding diversions has never gotten me this exhausted.

Until now.

Busy, busy, busy. God.

So the next best thing is to go out more often, eat more often.

My god. And even eating becomes exhausting. :(

So let's go back to school. I am so excited. And yet the FA idea gnaws my brain out. So whatever comes first, grab it. I'll just have to hang myself if I get neither. Risky, yes. As in very. 


But it isn't anybody else's decision but mine. And sometimes taking risks are just worth it.

Super Bass. :)

I remember what my mother told me when I was younger, that sometimes it pays to be happy with the things you have. I remember telling other people the same thing, whether it be good or bad it always came happy.

Now, I find myself telling yes, myself, the same thing. Funny, I say to myself. Since I have always been the person who always wanted more, who wanted things perfect, who wanted people to go by my standards, who wanted everything in place. As karma may have it, I am easily frustrated. As in fuck frustrated.

So I decided to cut down on the overachieving, overexpecting thing. Sometimes it does help. It pays. It makes you sleep at night. And it makes you love yourself a little more.

For some reason when everything seems wrong, when the world starts to crumble, you come around.

And once again, I realize why I should be thankful that you're here. :)

And Here I Go Again.

Whiner.

Gone are the days of wishful thinking and happily ever after. You try to at least to be happy when there are a lot of this and thats here and there. You try to make things perfect in your own little meaning of perfect and everything comes in a mad array of contradicting factors.

The face. HAHAHA. That's what you GET. Loser. >:)

I hate this weather.

On the lighter side, I am keeping myself busy for all the wrong reasons.

And cascading back to the depressing part: the weather.