For whatever reason, some dumbass force drains the happiness in me. Is it being because I want to be the only girl in the world, the cherry-flavored candy-par-lolly, the girlfriend-par-miss-perfect, or the green-eyed monster?
Really dunno. Desperately seeking sanity.
I am constantly praying for peace of mind. Did my mother, at 25, have me and was still loca over my dad: thus the immense green-eyedness? Dammit. If only my mother knew that it wasn't anyone that my dad was crazy about, rather, something. Grose. Family Computer FTW.
Hmf, WTF.
For the meantime, I am trying to preoccupy myself with a lot of things to do. Funny, the only thing I wanted to fo over the weekends before this was sleep and go out with Marius. It has to have some variety. Crap.
I have to love myself a little more. My mother once told me that sometimes, it pays to complain, it pays to unreciprocate and be a bit selfish from time to time, and to be a human by erring. Well, I get the erring part: but being selfish? God, that's something I haven't tried doing for the past year.
Really, I should. *sighs*
Back to work.
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