Good Day, Little Miss Cling-Wrap

I soo hate myself for being one.

When will the stupidity end. When I'm 30? When I'm wrinkly? For crying out loud, I don't want to be clingy anymore. Sometimes I consider myself an asswipe already. When these fathermuckers start forgetting you, you feel as if you have to do something to make yourself the center of their universe.

But I've never liked the attention. The occasional limelight's fine, but smothering ?!  Eew. Get a life.

I've been tempted for the past 2 weeks to get a book I found pretty interesting, Why Men Love Bitches. The only time I become one is when I don't get what I want, traffic, humid weather, bad manners. I can't be one for the longest time. My male friends, including Marius has taught me the one thing that can make a man go down on his knees: don't care.

Taena naman kase, napaka-caring mo Nikki. Fcuk.


Going back to the book, the title is worth slapping in my face for not being a bitch enough. And yet I am tempted to buy it, still.

When I find the need to do so.

Regarding the bookworm bull, I have my sumpong again. From milk cartons to ketchup labels and receipts, I couldn't stop reading again. In search of the perfect, satiating book once again.

Desperately seeking a way out.

Good Morning World. It's About Time I Started To Get Up.

Ian lost his dog, Carlos.

For a girl who's cried over so many dogs, I know that one "I'm sorry" wouldn't bring your dog back. I know for a fact that either Nacho or Osbourne wouldn't be around for the long haul, but I love them both to the full extremity of whatever bullcrap falls under the word love.

Mental note: Must love dogs.


On the lighter side, I have decided to do the unthinkable: take the chance of flying. Gah. It wouldn't make the world go round, seriously. But the mere thought of it hits two birds with one stone. Because I seriously, desperately, want to go back to school. I'll be blue, I know I will. I'll leave my parents and my siblings and HamHam and everybody I love back here while I open my email during lunch breaks to get a lot of "bilin mail". I can just see it.

But the consoling happiness even if you're miles apart from them is that no matter what changes would occur while you're gone; when you get back, they'll still love you for being you.

*sniff sniff*

Run, not-so-skinny, run. I can't believe for the longest time I cannot seem to find the slightest trace of abs. Forget it.


Yes, I am happy. Funny how you make me feel like a schoolgirl when I really don't need to feel like one. :)

Good Love is On The Way

...I've been lonely but I know, I'll be okay. :D

When All Caterpillars Turn Into Butterflies

The last time I enjoyed myself was 8 hours ago. :)

Life may not always turn out the way you want it to, but you'll always have the option to make the most out of it.

So here I am, counting blessings instead of weeping over what-could-have-beens. And whenever I feel glum, I just have to look at the brighter side of things. It works all the time.

A friend of mine told me once that he just had to admire my resilience. No one has ever surpassed this (or so he says. haha) until now. I'd like to buy that thought. Perhaps. :)

Having a ball here. :D

On Getting a Grip

Most things don't usually go your way, unless fate thinks it would be about time. 

Or if you were even worth it.

So things didn't go the way as planned. It sucks, seriously. You get to mope around, asking yourself over and over what went wrong and if by any chance you were to blame at one point.

When you realize that it was about time you said goodbye.

For the one person whom I drew happiness from for merely existing: yes, you will always be a part of me. Undoubtedly. This, I believe is for the best.

So we move on to the next chapter:

I EAT LIKE A PIG WTF.  It's a sick, sad phase. For whatever reason, at some point in time I have to eat as if I haven't eaten for decades. Disgusting. Hahaha. Hello, hormones. ü

For the record, something keeps me happy, for whatever reason, makes me look forward to going to work.

Or should I say someone? Go figure.Ü

Call it Karma.

Basically, the drastic turn of events make me nauseous.

Annoying, for that matter as well. For whatever sick reason this is one thing I have to put up with due to the incessant stupidities that have occurred.

I've done things that I haven't been proud of, it's just fucking unfair that it would come all in one big smash.

Next time cannot be a next time if you just anticipate a next time. Fucktard.

Anyways, for the lighter side, I'm going on a vacation. Yippee. Whatever.

Cannot get over the fact that the hormones have gone berserk. Is it the hormones sans the pain in the ass? Or is it the pain in the ass sans the hormones?





PS:

Dear God, please grant me some sanity. I terribly need it. I don't want to be a Virginia Woolf for the longest time again, nor Percy Bysshe Shelley. (he wasn't sick, or so I think) Can I be like Mr. Albom or the Tin-Man instead? Or maybe Helen Keller, who didn't complain, or Nick Joaquin who wrote the hell of everything else.

I can't stand the tension anymore. :(

On Gargantuan Efforts To Fix "The Hair"

For whatever reason, some dumbass force drains the happiness in me. Is it being because I want to be the only girl in the world, the cherry-flavored candy-par-lolly, the girlfriend-par-miss-perfect, or the green-eyed monster?

Really dunno. Desperately seeking sanity.

I am constantly praying for peace of mind. Did my mother, at 25, have me and was still loca over my dad: thus the immense green-eyedness? Dammit. If only my mother knew that it wasn't anyone that my dad was crazy about, rather, something. Grose. Family Computer FTW.

Hmf, WTF.

For the meantime, I am trying to preoccupy myself with a lot of things to do. Funny, the only thing I wanted to fo over the weekends before this was sleep and go out with Marius. It has to have some variety. Crap.

I have to love myself a little more. My mother once told me that sometimes, it pays to complain, it pays to unreciprocate and be a bit selfish from time to time, and to be a human by erring. Well, I get the erring part: but being selfish? God, that's something I haven't tried doing for the past year.

Really, I should. *sighs*

Back to work.