On the Misunderstood

I really do not get the part where I cannot say what I need to say and ask what I want done.

It's like martial law's being imposed on you. You have a paper, yet you can't say anything that may cause an uproar. You can go out, but you can't be out forever. You can talk, but you have to choose what you have to say.

And I cannot live with such circumstances because I was never accustomed to such.

When you start to get irritated for no reason at all, find fault for no reason at all, get mad for no reason at all, it's like finding fault out of something you wish didn't exist.

The F

The bad thing about not writing about the things I am supposed to talk about immediately is that everything starts pouring down that you won't know where to start.

Well, here we go.

For starters I am now an ass wipe for my job. After getting a not-so-pretty score, I am an ass wipe to the baddies. Did I say I was now an ass wipe? I'm pretty sure I did.

Baby doll Mojo is growing to be a very intelligent little girl. And a nagger. And spoiled here and there. And learns how to complain. And more of me than of her mother. Wahaha. I'm just hoping that there wouldn't be a titan clash say in like 5 years from now.

I so love that tub of lard. ♥

I cannot stand Marius being depressed. Being the super-confident, super ass wipe, super obnoxious, super charming darling superstar of mine I know when something's wrong. And there is something wrong.

Next time, stop tinkering with things that aren't yours. As I write this I seeth with anger and karmic thoughts and that being-whatever that being is-would immediately be eaten by the bowels of the earth.

This is the evil twin speaking.

We'll get by. This is me trying to be strong for him even if chances are bleak for him.

I love you, vendo macchiato. You are like the crush that can never be my boyfriend. Ahaha. ü

Finally

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
Make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend
As I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through an open door that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally


I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
And on another phase
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
Scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

Finally got out of my own way
I've Finally started living for today
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have a our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Gave my love to him Finally

Finally, Finally

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something beautiful is happening, happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, finally.

On Baguettes and Bagels

Close encounters of the other kind was too close today that getting over the headache was gargantuan effort. :(

Sometimes it pays to be incognito in the workplace. The world doesn't get too small, that way. The only thing you do is do your job, chitchat, take breaks, then head home. It sometimes pays to pretend that you didn't have bosses to report to.

Disclaimer attached.

On the other hand, I play the role of a sponge used one too many. Don't get me wrong, I can listen; the bad thing is too much of the "hey-please-listen-i-need-ears" gives me unnecessary angst issues. I tend to worry, once again. Which I am not supposed to since it comes out really bad. Sadly, I am still the number one choice in the shrink industry, to date. Funny, though, I am starting to have personal coping issues of my own with no option but to ward them off myself. :(

There was this IVR that I encountered towards the end of work today. Couldn't really get over it due to the fact that I was constantly replaying the recording just to get the name of the establishment. P***.

From:

Faggots in Babel xxx

As opposed to:

Baguettes and Bagels

Shame on you, Nikki. Your mind thinks of things that no one dare think. HAHA. >:D

(I seriously have clean ears, you know.)

Overheard people in the jeep on the way to church. Gossip is bad, but if your seatmate has a bullhorn for a pie hole, you didn't have much of a choice but to hope the bad noise would just stop. The bullhorn - I mean seatmate had a compilation of neighbors' and random peoples' life stories that if she'd put it in print she'd be selling it like pancakes. The bullhorn - seatmate ranting that this and that and he and she weren't doing things quite right and that she gave them unsound advice and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-ed until they reached their destination: church.

We then watched a movie, Hereafter. I was hoping for a suspense-par-blah flick. Only to find out that maintenance should keep buckets handy in the movie house. Dammit. It was great, don't get me wrong. But it was the right movie at the wrong time.

I prefer critics to groupies. Why am I hounded by the thought of these random oh-i-so-love-you-and-whatever-you-do-even-if-i-don't-know-what-that-is when I shouldn't?

Or should I f****** should?

Is this the start of the battle against quarter-life crisis? I don't want to go there but sometimes couldn't help but think of the things that require no thought processing at all. It's energy-wasting, and nobody said it was fun. I couldn't really tell the monkey everything, he'd think I was nuts in the Virginia Woolf category. I start thinking again: was I ever deprived? (next question please)

Sad reality does not give me much of an option. My dad once told me I was a control freak. Mom said as well that I was too bossy. Ate thinks I'm all too sloppy at the edges. Having siblings next in line (and when I mean siblings, 1...2...3...4...5...6 more).  I am pressured. I don't like being pressured but it's as if there can be something done. Was I mean in my past life? Did I eat too much yesterday? Was I one of Hitler's accomplices? Is this why JD Salinger kept too much to himself? Couldn't help think why I have pangs of angst when I really should not. Seriously. It eats me alive. I am very tired. I was never like this. (or was I but it was never heightened nor amplified) Did cruel fate force me to grow up too soon?


Dammit will be the word for today.

For Want of a Nail

I cannot believe I had to wait a decade just to get a seat.

When you see this sign:

Please limit your internet usage to 30 minutes. There could be a long queue behind you, people waiting for their turn. Thank you.

Is it so hard to understand? It being free doesn't mean that you can get happy meals every now and then. Duh.

People. Hmf.

I want to write and write and write some more. Is it just here that I can do it? Nah. If I can send to every phony that tries to place a call with us how I think they suck and what they do sucks and their grammar can send them to hell, I could've. We-hell, this is just me speaking. >:D

I will tread the McDonald's-Home trail as often as possible. I don't care if it takes me forever but I'm doing it. Blah.

I cannot finish 1984 because its content is too much to handle, especially when you want to forget sometimes how mean the world could be.

And to quote my friend Joseph's post:

It was written nowhere in your birth certificate that life would be fair.

So I'm having fun. So far.ü

And Another

You want to wake up everyday to realize that life isn't that bad after all.

You want to embed in your head that the past has gone and can never go back to change it. That now is the best time to get ready for the future.

You get eaten by a lot of occasional confidence glitches when you try so hard enough to realize you'll always be worth the world.

Day by day, these are the things I have to remember. Thankful enough that I am where I am now, I have what I have at present, and I will be who I am at this moment.

The constant assurance that everything will be all right if you just believe real hard.

And for the New Year

You wake up one day and you realized that sometimes, you do have to have what it takes to take your new year's resolution seriously.

Don't get me wrong. The year started off right. It was a case of he said, she said that made things out of balance for a while.

Sometimes, it just pays to be quiet when you least expect you'd have to be.