half of my heart

As of the moment my husband and I took a break from parent duties and are out of the house. Little boy Daken is with his grandma, while my phone is constantly bombarded with "where are you" texts as if I were back in junior year. Pfft. Annoying.

I should be enjoying this, I think to myself. But truth of the matter is, I can't. It's hard to. Because for the nth time, I miss my little boy. He can be whiney and peeful (wow some new word) and smelly and adorable and can really mess up our body clocks - believe me. Every single time that I have to leave him, my heart breaks a little, I die a little, I cry a little. There will always be that unknown tugging feeling in my heart whenever we're out of the house. Avail time at work make me want to just run out of the building and head home just to be with my little boy.

I asked my husband if he felt the same way. Surely, he misses Daken when he's out as well. But no odd I-want-to-throw-my-dinner-and-just-head-home sort of feeling. Is it because I'm the mom that I feel these feely-feel-feels? Gahd, I couldn't even figure myself out.

Our little boy will be on his second month, come Monday. I don't know if I were to feel excited or rushed about it. Because old people usually tell me not to rush the baby in growing up - and that it would make me feel older and want him to be all little once more. But I want him to grow up as well, so we can take him to the park and play rough and have messy ice cream dates with him. The thought of Daken being all grown up someday just, well, hurts. But that's how life is.

And yet big or small, annoying or adorable, Daken will always be the half of my heart. <3 p="">